This cracked me up: Why You Should Never, Ever Get a Tattoo (But Having a Baby is Fine). I particularly like #10:
“You think you’re going to seem so cool walking around with one, but really most of the time you’re going to look sort of ridiculous.”
Sorry, I couldn’t hear that last one. I was screaming the phrase, “DON’T EAT THOSE BUGS,” while pulling pieces of sweet potato and banana out of my hair and coat pockets.
About “you know it’s going to hurt, right?”: I was scared shitless about how much having a baby was going to hurt. But the thing about childbirth–and you can interpret this as a pro or a con–is there’s no going back, and there’s no stopping. Once I realized I was pregnant, I knew: there’s only one way out of this, and it’s gonna hurt. Ulp. And once labor started, I could cry and yell and raise a ruckus, but all anyone was going to do was give me some more fentanyl and squeeze my hand sympathetically. This is just as well, because if there had been an off switch, the Munchkin would still be inside, and attending second grade would be very complicated.
Whereas, if I went and got a tattoo, I know what would happen. I would scream and make the person with the needle stop after about ten minutes, because I could. I’d never have the courage to finish the job and it would look ridiculous, a badge of cowardice and incomplete art. I’d be like Bart Simpson, wearing MOTH on my arm for the rest of my life.