Our Sunday morning worship theme for the month of January is “home.” We kick off the canvass this month as well, so I’m thinking a lot about the idea of one’s congregation as one’s home. It’s a common enough metaphor, but what does it mean? It depends on what “home” means. If it means “comfort,” I’m not crazy about that being a primary quality of any congregation I belong to (and/or serve). I want it to be comforting, absolutely, when we need to be comforted. But not entirely comfortable.
Tangentially, but not unrelatedly, I’d like to pass along this New Year’s wish from the blog of a favorite writer of mine, Neil Gaiman: “May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art–write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”
I wish all those things for myself in 2011, and for anyone who reads this. And now I am going to turn off the computer, go kiss two someones who think I’m wonderful (the feeling is mutual), and get some sleep in the hope that tomorrow morning I’ll be able to say some words as only I can say them, and so help my dear, beloved co-congregants to live as only they can.
Sermons in Stones 
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January 2, 2011 at 7:06 am
uumomma
You make the presumption that home = comfortable. While this is what I strive to have here–a place where we can all just be who we are–it is (with three teen-age daughters), truthfully probably a place to be in conflict both in healthy and unhealthy ways. It is “home” where they can safely practice resolving life’s issues. It is not always comfortable; sometimes it is a roiling, turbulent, sullen space. And sometimes it is the space that makes us all face our worst selves even while reaching up toward goodness. And it is also the “known space” that they (we) have to stand on and sit in and, in it, love abides. Sounds like church to me.
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January 2, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Amy Zucker Morgenstern
Exactly, uumomma, and beautifully put. I don’t at all mean to presume that home=comfortable; I’m just spinning a thought off comfort being one of the qualities that might spring to mind when we talk about wanting a congregation to be homelike.
Interestingly, our Worship Associate today specifically mentioned good conflict (she had some nicer phrase, which escapes me at the moment) as one of the qualities one might hope for in a home. Congregations are certainly not always good at creating a space where we can “safely practice resolving life’s issues,” but it is something to aspire to.
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January 2, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Leslie-Anne
Amy, how is it that you touch my heart so frequently, and yet I suspect serendipitously? So let me try to return the favor in a very small way if I might.
You ask what “home” means, and let me start by telling you what I think it is not.
One of dirtiest little secrets of mainstream Christianity is that they treat you harshly if you ever stop having the “right beliefs”. They have lovely words like heretic, blasphemy, excommunication, etc., that hang like a sword of Damocles over the faithful and gently remind them of what is constantly expected.
Hubby and I have a dear family friend, such a very dear and loving man, who was actually kicked out of his parent’s home at the tender age of 17 or 18 when he had the audacity to question/conclude that some aspect of the Jehovah’s Witness faith wasn’t right for him. And they haven’t spoken to him ever since. Can you even imagine? The folks you trusted your entire life in such a tender and innocent way actually turning their backs on you for such a minor “crime”. The thought makes me gasp, then gasp again, and again. And finally I burst into tears. The heartlessness and self-centeredness of such “parents” just overwhelms me. What luckless child ever deserved such a fate? My friend is an orphan because his parents actually *chose to make him one*. Look into your lovely child’s eyes and try to imagine ever doing that to her … for you and I, such an event is literally incomprehensible … the thought just makes me want to scream!
And yet today, I face my own similar but very different battle. My “liberal” christian faith is very different than my parents “conservative” christian one. They secretly think I am a heretic and a blasphemer, and yet they let me off the hook because they think I am confused. Meanwhile, I secretly gasp at their capacity to sympathize with right-wing efforts to deny aid to the poor and helpless in this world. I increasing realize they would have sided with the South during the Civil War, and would have cited Scripture to validate those beliefs. And it just completely breaks my heart. As you might imagine, conversation on these topics is extremely difficult, and so in the past we have generally avoided it while we secretly (on my part) or not so secretly (on their part) try to influence each other.
Over the holidays, they actually “invited” my entire family to see a “neat video about space”; they neglected to mention the fact that it was a recording of an evangelical missionary who was trying to show just how enormous and powerful God is. And how after creating all of Creation (documented quite nicely, thanks to science and the Hubble telescope), God’s most beloved creatures are actually you and I. Hubby tried to watch, but fell asleep (poor thing), and my little one was bored out of her mind and whispering her complaints to me almost the entire time. LOL
I guess that was payback for a previous Christmas when I “invited” them to watch an awsome movie called The Fourth Wise Man, http://www.amazon.com/Fourth-Wise-Man-DVD/dp/B00005JRIM (I can loan it to you if you want 🙂 )
“A Magi named Artaban (Martin Sheen) sees a sign in the heavens that he hopes will lead him and his faithful servant to the Messiah. Artaban takes with him three precious gifts to present to the Messiah. For 33 years Artaban pursues Jesus, only to miss Him at every turn. Along the way, Artaban uses his gifts to help people in dire need. He now has nothing to present to the Messiah when he finds Him. The story culminates on Easter Sunday as Artaban, old and dying, finally encounters the new King, bringing peace to his life. A deeply moving experience examining what true faith really means. Starring Martin Sheen and Alan Arkin.”
Mindful of how many words I’ve already spilled, I’ll close by leaving you with some thoughts about what “home” should be:
1) Home is a place that does not have a Sword of Damocles.
And that means it is a place where you can truly feel *safe*. Always and forever.
2) Home is place where you can honestly be yourself and they won’t kick you out.
To many this might sound like a trite little saying that has reached it’s expiration date and should be thrown out. I think those folks are luckier than they realize, and take for granted a precious gift that has always been available to them.
Some of us haven’t been so lucky. We have to choose between hiding who we really are in order to safely retain the only love we have ever known, or coming out from the shadows knowing full well the fate that lies in store for us. Sound familiar? Same song, different lyrics.
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January 2, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Leslie-Anne
I just realized I never tied my comments back to the original “Congregation as Home” theme.
UUCPA meets my two conditions: 1) No sword of Damocles, 2) You can honestly be yourself and not get kicked out.
And I agree with you, being *safe* is different than being comfortable, which brings a couple of thoughts to mind:
1) Re safety – This is a blessing that we enjoy today, but it is fragile and could actually be taken away, perhaps sooner than we might imagine.
We should be reminded that for most of history, religious freedom was merely a theoretical concept. If you didn’t have “the right beliefs” you faced consequences. Heretic Christians were burned at the stake in the middle ages, as most of us know; we should also remember the wars that raged throughout Europe between Catholics and Protestants, and the real damages associated with that war. And also the shiny new country founded by those who were sick of that war and wanted to live life differently.
And Jews have also had plenty of religious martyrs who died for their beliefs, of course …
Sarah Palin’s popularity terrifies me precisely because I believe she is backed by huge numbers of “Christians” who want to take religious freedoms away, and revert this country back to “a Christian nation as our Founding Father’s originally intended it to be”. Which is lies and propaganda, but unfortunately it is eagerly swallowed by the willing.
How safe will UU’s continue to be if the likes of Palin and her followers get their way?
UUCPA is a “safe harbor from the storm”. And safe harbors are kind of boring because they are so … yawn … safe. But what if you presented a sermon where you pondered what the world might look like without that safe harbor? All of a sudden, the incredible value of the gift of “safety” becomes much more obvious. Images of “It’s a Wonderful Life” are dancing through my brain …
Those who enable UUCPA to exist in the world, through their financial contributions and also through contributions of their time and energy, are performing such an important service to the world. Please spread that message, Amy, as best you possibly can.
2) Re comfort – I’m reminded of a saying in the Quran: “Blessed is the man who has a wife who goes against him”. It means that a wife who does not just passively agree with the man every time actually helps him to become a better person.
I’m also reminded of a metaphor from my youth: If we could only see the amazing person that God knows we can be, we would be inspired to work harder to become that person.
And finally, an adage: “If you’re green, you grow. If you’re ripe, you rot”.
It is easy to be lazy and comfortable and not do any work. But that is exactly what rotting fruit does. And rotten fruit eventually starts to stink and gets thrown out.
Growing results in “growing pains”. It is normal and healthy for organisms that are alive.
But sometimes organisms are injured, they need to rest in order to get well.
The trick is to find the appropriate level of “discomfort”:
1) The “injured” and the “new” should rest in order to heal and gain strength
2) The healthy should be part of the “growing” of the congregation – and savor the rewards of their accomplishments and the joys of health and vitality.
3) Too much discomfort can cause injury and obviously should be avoided.
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January 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Amy Zucker Morgenstern
Thanks for all these interesting thoughts and adages.
Long ago and at another church I did a kind of “what if we weren’t here” sermon at canvass time. I love the idea of making it a full-blown “It’s a Wonderful Life” thing–acted out and everything. Maybe for next year’s canvass sermon!
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